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Okay, I think I've fixed most of the template and commenting issues. If you're still experiencing any weirdness (above the ordinary levels), send me an email at diesel -at- mattresspolice.comThe launch of this new look coincides with the end of an e... [Read the full post]
If you're using Internet Explorer, you've probably had some trouble accessing my site since yesterday. Sorry about that -- I was in a hurry yesterday morning and committed the cardinal sin of not testing the new template in IE. I'm not sure why IE ... [Read the full post]
The first thing you should know about me is that I don't play be the rules. I never have. In fact, I'm not even sure what the rules are. I mean, I have a vague idea, enough to be certain that I don't play by them, but I have no in-depth knowledge ... [Read the full post]
It's Tuesday, so I'm over at Central Snark again, bitching about why I didn't like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, among other things.I'll be back with a real post tonight. Promise.Labels: Shout-Outs
Well folks, he did it again. Mr. Pink T-shirt, proprietor of Crummy Church Signs and author of the runaway bestseller Crummy Church Signs Volume 1, won the caption contest. And with the shortest caption ever, I might add.Joel, you get to display th... [Read the full post]
Do you remember the episode of "The Simpsons" where Disco Stu explains the sales potential of disco records to Marge? Stu points to a chart showing the sales of disco records from the years 1973 to 1976 and says, "Did you know that disco record sale... [Read the full post]
Ok folks, now that you've all bought Joel's book, here are the top ten captions. Vote for your favorite below. I'll post the results on Friday. And since I did a shout-out yesterday, I guess I'll have to do an actual post tomorrow. Sigh.Joel B.:... [Read the full post]
The caption contest poll has been pre-empted for something even more exciting this week: Joel from Crummy Church Signs has written a book!I've said before that I think that Crummy Church Signs has the highest laugh-to-word count ratio of any websit... [Read the full post]
Yes, I'm at the Snark again, so head over there if you want to know why the Oscars suck.If you're visiting from the Snark, welcome! There are Go-Gurts and half a 2-liter bottle of flat root beer in the fridge. Stay as long as you want.And if you wa... [Read the full post]
Did you hear that Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize? This surprised me, as the odds seemed to be stacked against him. After all, if a guy named "Gore" can win the Nobel Peace Prize, what's to keep a guy named Horrific Slaughter, Guts von Carnage, or... [Read the full post]
If you're like me, you remember exactly where you were when Joey Bishop died. Otherwise you have a really bad memory, because, dude, it happened like five minutes ago. Maybe you should have that looked at.Actually, I'm writing this at 7:55pm Thursd... [Read the full post]
Just a note to let you know that yesterday I guest posted at Crummy Church Signs, so if you want a quick fix of snarkiness, head over there. I tried my best to provide the same level of withering sarcasm that Joel does on a regular basis, but he's a... [Read the full post]
So I'm over at Central Snark today, whining about how Stephen Colbert is totally ripping me off. The Snark den mother, Snuppy aka Neva aka Crazy Aunt Beatrice, has been having a rough time of it of late, and to make matters worse, interlopers like J... [Read the full post]
Whew, I feel better. Don't you? I thought I'd post something a little more light-hearted today.As you might guess, Mrs. Diesel and I have some odd conversations. Usually they start with me asking some bizarre question, apropos of nothing, and then... [Read the full post]
A few weeks ago I mentioned to fellow blogger and ex-standup comic* Suzy Soro that I don't have a blogging "persona." Sure, I go by the name "Diesel," which makes it sound like I'm compensating for my weak chin by pretending to be some kind of tough... [Read the full post]
This week Crazy Aunt Bea pulled off an amazing upset with her disturbing-yet-hilarious caption. Crazy Aunt Bea, you get the coveted In Your Face Award.In second place was newcomer Kev, with this caption:Diesel: "Don't worry, I have one of those Tide... [Read the full post]
Once again I'm guest posting over at Central Snark, so head over there to read my revelations regarding the uncanny synchronicity between Apocalypse Now and the Huey Lewis album Fore! Really.What? You're still here? Well I guess I need to give you... [Read the full post]
Long time Mattress Police supporter, Humor-Blogs.com member and funny guy Mr. Fabulous is up for the Best Humor Blog award once again. Vote for him here. I know, I know, you want to vote for me, but you can't. I haven't been nominated, and if I ha... [Read the full post]
As a child of the 80s, I have a deep and inexplicable love for cheesy rock music. While I enjoy bands from the 90s and the naughties*, nothing beats the endorphin rush I feel when I hear the opening strains of "Urgent" by Foreigner, Journey's "St... [Read the full post]
Ok folks, Mrs. Diesel and I have picked our favorites and now it's down to you, the voters. Here are the finalists:the frogster:Claire: Yes, your superstirring power is most impressive. Now can you use your superscrubbing power to get the spaghetti ... [Read the full post]
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