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Mattress Police News Briefs #2

California Town Fights Influx of Wal-Mart Shoppers Ripon, California has escalated its struggle against big box stores such as Wal-Mart by taking aim at what it sees as the root of the problem: Wal-Mart shoppers. "We evaluate any prospective resid... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, April 30, 2007


Lost Caption Contest Winners

Yes, it's the moment you've been waiting for. No, I'm not going to shave. It's time to announce last week's caption contest winners!We had a lot of new contenders in the finalists, but the clear favorites were two lovely Snarksters. Coming in thir... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Saturday, April 28, 2007


Appearing to Succeed

Note: This is the conclusion of the Saga of the Missing Front License Plate. You can read the first part here, but to be honest it's not like this is going to make any more sense if you do.At the end of the first part of this story, I had decided t... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Friday, April 27, 2007


Thursday Shout Out: Thinking Bloggers

I've been accused of a lot of things, but this is a new one. I have now been accused not once, but twice, of making people think. I'm sorry, I don't know what what wrong. Shrink Wrapped Scream said that I write with "acidic irony." I'm not sure w... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Thursday, April 26, 2007


Failure to Appear

As a person who has no job, no schedule, and very few commitments of any kind, it's essential that I drive ridiculously fast so as not to waste any of the 11 waking hours at my disposal on any given day. I average around 40 miles per hour, but that ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Vote!

I'm over at Central Snark today with some valuable money-saving tips.Meanwhile, I've narrowed down the caption contest entries to ten. Keep in mind that I have an odd sense of humor, so if your caption didn't make the cut this time, don't feel bad.Y... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Talk Like a Man

Note: I've read that one way to increase the popularity of your blog is to write "topical" posts. According to the dictionary, topical means:pertaining to, or applied externally to a particular part of the bodyWhile I was trying to figure out what b... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, April 23, 2007


Caption Contest: Lost

Yes, it's that time again. Apparently a few of you were confused last time about how this works, so let me 'splain it to you, good and slow. Every two weeks I post a scene from a popular TV show or movie. I digitally insert myself into the picture... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Thursday, April 19, 2007


Semi-automatic

This isn't the post I had planned for today. I had written some nonsense vaguely related to the Don Imus story, but suddenly nobody is talking about that any more. Funny how quickly our idea of what's truly offensive can change so quickly.There are... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, April 17, 2007


Did Someone Say "House"?

Recently I've done a treehouse post and a Dr. House post, so I thought it was about time I did a plain old house post. Here's some pics of the addition we're building. "Addition" is kind of a misnomer, since we're adding about 2,000 square feet to ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, April 16, 2007


Caption Contest Winners!

First Place:"Examine you?! House, they don't make latex gloves thick enough for me to examine you!"- Pavel from Probably Pavel.Second Place:"You blinked.""Did not.""You so totally blinked.""Did not.""Did too. I just saw you. You blinked.""Did not.""M... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Saturday, April 14, 2007


"Are You the Responsible Parent?"

Last week I built a tree house. This week my son broke his arm.There is, in the inevitable succession of those two statements, some support for a deterministic view of the universe. Technically I didn't build the treehouse. I took the easy way o... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Friday, April 13, 2007


Vote!

Ok, folks. I've narrowed down the list of captions to ten. Vote for your favorite one. I'll post the results on Saturday. Thanks for participating, everybody!The Finalists:"You blinked.""Did not.""You so totally blinked.""Did not.""Did too. I ju... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, April 10, 2007


May the Force Be With Me

Occasionally in my periodic journeys across the blogosphere I will run across a particularly erudite blogger decrying what they refer to as "organized religion." Now as you'll know if you've been around here for a while, I am a religious person. ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, April 09, 2007


Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! May you experience the joy of the Resurrection today, whoever and wherever you are. I've posted some Easter musings on my serious blog, Deep Cover. I'll be back tomorrow with the typical insipid rantings. Don't forget to post your ent... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, April 08, 2007


Is There a Diesel in the House?

I'm a little late posting this, thanks to a surprise trip to the emergency room last night. Don't worry; everyone is fine, more or less. I'll post the details sometime next week. Suffice it to say that there is a reason I refer to my seven year ol... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Friday, April 06, 2007


Thee Eagle Has Landed

I wrote my first novel in second grade.Well, maybe more of a novella. It was 50 pages long. Although come to think of it, part of it was written on little kids' paper, so maybe it was more like 20 big people pages. You know the stuff that I'm talk... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Wednesday, April 04, 2007


Snarking Again

Greetings, minions!I am at the Snark today, imparting wisdom about how to promote your blog. That's right, your blog. I don't think you're reaching your full potential, and if I were your second grade teacher I'd write a note on your report card sa... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Mattress Police News Briefs #1

Those of you who have been around since I started this site back in October know that my blog has always been in a constant state of evolution. I've tried a lot of different kinds of humor pieces, from one-liners to top ten lists to fake news sto... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, April 02, 2007


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