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Caption Contest: The Thinker

I thought I'd mix things up a bit with this week's caption contest. Normally I post a photo of myself with some iconic figure, and this week's photo is no exception. The difference is that this time it's an actual, unaltered photo. One of the unex... [Read the full post]


Antisocial Commentary Preview!

Since the positive response I got regarding my idea of publishing an compilation of my writings called Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, I've been working on selecting and editing some of my better posts for the boo... [Read the full post]


The Scariest Motel Ever

Over the course of our fourteen years of marriage, Mrs. Diesel and I have stayed in some scary motels. Being of Dutch stock, we’re unnaturally frugal, and even now that we could probably afford to shell out an extra $40 for a Best Western, it’s sort... [Read the full post]


Caption Contest Winners!

This week Howard from The Web Pen Blog takes home the coveted signed digital photo.2nd Place: Kiefer: FOR THE LAST TIME, I say, "Knock, knock ..." and YOU say, "Who's there?" - wyo from Temporary Digression of the Spotted Kind.3rd Place:Jack: Let's... [Read the full post]


Mattress Police T-Shirts!

Due to overwhelming demand and free time, I've designed three Mattress Police t-shirts, now available at my online store. The three designs are:The classic Mattress Police design. Useful for identifying yourself as a member of the Mattress Police d... [Read the full post]


Thursday Cop-Out

I was going to try to promote some more people to Adjutant Inspector rank today, but you wouldn't believe the paperwork that Homeland Security makes me fill out these days. Maybe next week.Anyway, I'm over at the Snark today with some thoughts about... [Read the full post]


Mattress Police News Briefs #3

Belgium: France Keeps Touching MeIn an incident that threatens to upset the delicate balance of power in Europe’s metaphorical backseat, Belgium has once again accused France of unwanted touching.The site of the alleged touching is an area surroundin... [Read the full post]


Vote!

Yes, it's that time again. Mrs. Diesel has picked her favorites, and now you must vote for the caption you like best. Just like last time, I threw a dozen or so of my own captions into the ring, and one of them made it into the finals. The winner ... [Read the full post]


Trippin'

My vacation couldn’t have come at a better time, blogging-wise, because frankly I was running out of material. One thing about being a man of leisure is that not very much interesting happens to me on a given day. Generally this is good thing, beca... [Read the full post]


Caption Contest: 24

I was planning on posting this before the season finale, but I ran out of time before my vacation. So anyway, here's me with what's-his-name from 24. You know the drill: Submit your caption in the comments. Get them in by Monday night, and on Tues... [Read the full post]


Hello, I'm Sorry

So I’m sitting in my parents’ living room on Friday, feeling the kind of vague unease that creeps up on me when I can't remember what hot stocks I should buy or where to get discount V1@gr@and I think to myself, “I should check my email.” My parents... [Read the full post]


Would You Buy This Book?

At the urging of certain of my more enthusiastic fans, I've started consolidating some of my better writings into a collection tentatively titled Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police. Believe it or not, in the eight mo... [Read the full post]


This is My Brain Without Drugs

Occasionally when I write a post that gets a strong reaction, I feel the need to write a counter-balancing post a few days later. I'm the kind of guy who will argue like crazy for a particular point of view until people start agreeing with me, and t... [Read the full post]


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